OPEN OFFICE, n. 9 to 5 nightmare consisting of communal work space, shared noise, and eerie flashbacks to middle school.
NOVEL, n. Weekend destination beloved by introverts, in part because the inhabitants rarely assail them with small talk.
MUSEUM, n. Blissfully silent refuge, tainted only by the occasional words “interactive exhibit.”
LOST, adj. Unable to find one’s bearings; adrift; i.e. an introvert in a large crowd of chattering strangers. (See also: Networking events; elementary school open house; spouse’s annual work party.)
KINDRED SPIRIT, n. That other person who, upon receiving a party invitation, immediately starts compiling a list of reasons why she can’t go.
JACKPOT, n. Unexpected good fortune; i.e. having the house to yourself on a Saturday afternoon.
INTERVIEW, n. Thirty-minute acting exercise in which one mimics extrovert traits in order to to obtain employment.